Total Recall

retro rocket, originally uploaded by Reid Pierce.

Many months ago, a friend forwarded me an email from another mom about recommended ride-on toys. It would have otherwise never crossed my mind that ride-on toys are appropriate for children under the age of three. Our first riding toys were tricycles and you had to be able to pedal.

Not wanting Sawyer to be deprived in this department - I checked into the woman's recommendations. I chose this Retro Flyer rocket off her list because, well, it's so retro. I put it on Sawyer's wish list and my parents gave it to him for his first birthday.

He received another ride-on car at the same time from our neighbors. Based on the Disney PIXAR CARS movie, this one was made of cheap plastic and was covered with stickers and had about 35 buttons that made all sorts of noise, sang the ABC and numbers and spoke with CARS character voices. Guess which one Sawyer liked better?

I could hardly blame him. The retro rocket doesn't steer. The CARS toy steers and has a horn and a gear shift that makes sounds. The seat on the retro rocket is impossible to lift while the CARS a seat handle and a bar across the back that makes it fun to push. And there are only three buttons on the retro rocket, which absolutely terrify, petrify him. One sets off a woman's deep voice counting down ominously to lift off. The other makes the entire rocket vibrate and sends Sawyer tearing across the room in horror, into my arms, up my torso and over my shoulder.

When our young friend Tayloe was playing with it last week, (note, he wasn't scared) I looked over at Sawyer who was standing in the corner grunting with a frozen 'I'm trying to poop but can't' look on his face. I actually checked his diaper, but it turns out that he was just trying really hard to keep his cool while his buddy played with the really scary rocket ship.

I've figured out how to turn the sounds off on the retro rocket, but it doesn't make the toy any more attractive. I did get Sawyer to ride on it while Tayloe rode the good CAR. But that's about the extent of it.

The CARS ride-on toy is, in fact, his most favorite thing in the whole world next to maybe his Nuk. Sawyer's idea of heaven would be to ride on the car, while sucking his Nuk, with a stash of baby cheese puffs hidden under the seat.

All other toys he views in the context of his CAR. Can I play with it while riding the CAR. Can I put it inside the CAR's seat? Can I stand on the CAR like a surf board and hold the toy in my mouth.

At the secondhand store the other day, he picked out a Leap Frog ABC bus which is now his second favorite toy. He holds it in his lap in and drives the CAR. He pushes it in the CAR. He drives the CAR and pushes it along side.

Scott was excited about the Fisher Price Barn I picked up for only $4 at the second hand store (its probably been recalled along with everything else - who can keep track of what's safe anymore). That toy makes animal sounds when you open the door that are almost as terrifying as the retro rocket. Sawyer cuts a wide berth around it whenever he passes by.

I don't understand why some noisy toys scare him and others don't. The CAR noises are okay. The piano is great. The ABC bus is a blast. But the ball popper, the barn and the rocket are the work of Satan. If Sawyer were in charge of the world, those are the toys that would get recalled.