Little me

Little me, originally uploaded by Reid Pierce.

I took both kids to the doctor Wednesday by myself - double booked Sawyer's 18 month and Arden's 1 month appointments. I thought I was being clever at the time. Advice to mothers: NEVER do this.

It was February and the waiting room was packed with fever-flushed children rubbing snot all over their parents' shoulders. I am terrified of getting sick at our 'Well Baby' appointments, and the new office doesn't have a separate room for healthy children. So I held Sawyer in a death grip and prayed that we'd get called in quickly.

Getting both children naked for the weigh-in was an interesting juggling act between me and the nurse, especially as Sawyer was trying to dive off the scale and into my arms (where I was desperately trying to cover a screaming naked Arden with a blanket). And then we were sent to the examination room to wait for the doctor.

ONE HOUR LATER - she arrived.

I thought I kept things pretty under control for the first 45 minutes - Sawyer running around in nothing but socks and a diaper, playing with germ laden books and puzzles; Arden nursing quietly. But then Sawyer discovered the step stool on the examining table and decided he wanted to use it as his own personal snack table (Sawyer-sized tables and chairs are his new favorite thing - see photo above) and he just couldn't come to terms with my insistence that I hold the snack bowl (visions of cream cheese and jelly sandwich pieces spackling the walls). The screams of protest could be heard at the neighboring ophthalmologist's office.

The best part of the whole appointment - the part that will shine brightly in my memory the day Sawyer gets married - was when he figured out how to make fart sounds by zurburting the leather chair next to me while the doctor examined Arden. Our pediatrician has the driest personality I've ever encountered, and I could see her trying to proceed with the question/answer session, her eyes shifting over to the small slobber puddle Sawyer was creating on the seat. But the corner of her mouth began to twitch the more grotesque the fart sounds became. Sawyer was so completely compelled by this new discovery he didn't even look up to see our reaction. I could hardly think straight - half stifling laughs, half worried about the germs.

Both kids had to have shots. Arden is a breath holder - it took a full minute of screaming-red-anguish before she inhaled again. Sawyer tried to be brave with a trembling bottom lip and crocodile tears. How do you comfort them both? You don't. I left the office with two crying kids. Headed strait to McDonald's. Bought Sawyer a vanilla milkshake that - shock - he was covered in head to toe by the time we got home. Made Scott clean him up.