1974 Mother of Two **w/150,000k** — BEST OFFER

Here's the deal. Now that the Beast is in Ford Heaven, I have to take the insurance money and pick out a car that can carry the whole family, the dog and the gear through snow and mountain. Scott took my aging Outback and traded it in on something a bit cleaner with a little less mileage (read: better for his image) that wasn't so thirsty since he drives farther than I do every day.

(My 2005 Subaru Outback)

The OB served us well. It was the first and probably only new car I'll ever own. It was the car I dreamed of having all through high school, college and well into my 20s. And, it was a wonderful vehicle. But, it was too small for a family of five plus dog and gear. Justin is growing and can barely squeeze between the seats. It was never the same after the Subaru Dealer blew up the engine at its 60K checkup. Something to do with an air bubble and a sensor. With 120K, a putrid burnt oil smell when it idled and a question as to whether it would start on any given morning, it's time had come. Some dealer will fix her up and she will give a happy somebody another 100k in her lifetime. (Sniff. Tear. Sigh.)

Scott knew what he wanted. When the truck tumbled he made an instant decision. He didn't want another truck. He wanted a station wagon. He spent an hour online. Drove to Sharpest Rides in Denver. Met Louis. Test drove a car. And, Done.

(Audi A6 Allroad)

So, it's hard for him to understand my OCD car buying issues (I blame my parents who instilled in me a borderline insane practicality where cars are concerned.) The last two weeks has been a living hell for me. I'm up all night on Craigslist and Edmunds with Consumer Reports spread out on the couch next to me, a second glass of wine in hand, vision blurry from staring at the screen to long, trying to sort out the differences between small SUVs and mid-sized SUVs and the nuances in reliability between a 2004 and 2005 of some particular model. God help me.

(2005 Honda Odyssey)
*Back windows roll down in '05 model, not '04

For my 36th birthday, because it sounded better than being stranded all day with two kids and no car while Scott took Justin to the airport, we went Used Car Shopping. It was, in some respects, the best day of the year to undertake such a marriage-endangering venture. Being My Birthday — an official religious holiday — Scott was forbidden from swearing, speaking sharply or showing frustration ALL DAY. His present to me was patience. Even when I led him onto I-25 in the middle of Saturday afternoon rushhour.

Close your eyes and picture the quintessential used car salesman. Got it? Ok. So, Scott had found a salesman in Denver that he was very fond of and insisted that we start with him. After driving into the back alley warehouses of Englewood, I was a bit apprehensive — and then I saw the dealer's motto: "Affordable, Sexy, Sharp!"

"Sexy." It says so right there on the dealer plate like they are selling naked women under the hood or something. So I knew we had to be onto something good. And then I met Louis:


You can't see his bottom half, but let me fill in the rest of the picture for you. Big t-shirt. Baggy jeans. Sneakers. I wasn't sure if he was going to sell us a car or . . . yeah.

So after taking a tour of the "Sharpest Rides" lot and test driving a beat up Volvo XC-90 that left me entirely unimpressed, Louis took us down the road to the "Family Trucks and Vans." Minivans and SUVs galore.

(2004 Volvo XC-90)

Louis walked the entire lot with me and that's when he started to win me over. He'd open a van, stick his head inside and say "whew that stinks ... NEXT!" or thumb his nose a Dodge or tell me straight up that one of the mechanics crashed another car into that one when they were moving things around the lot. OK. This was the kind of car salesman I could appreciate. When we found a car I liked, he handed us the keys and sent us on our way. No pressure. No tagging along. Just. Cool.

Consumer Reports and Edmunds sing the praises of the Odyssey and the Sienna, but with my budget I'm looking at '04 models, and — let's face it — after 8 years on the road, most mini-vans have been through 2 families, 3 shedding golden retrievers, 37 spilt cups of coffee, 205 leaky sippy cups, 5,489 lost Cheerios and not even the new car smell spray can erase the last trip to the petting zoo.

(2007 Hyundai Entourage)

I almost jumped off the minivan cliff when I test drove a 2007 Hyundai Entourage fully loaded with about 70,000 miles and a DVD player. Hell, it's hard to resist with the lazy boy recliners in back and the button that opens the back doors and rear hatch. And I just about drooled over those 19 giant cup holders. The kids were ready give up the house and move in instantly.

I pulled myself back from the ledge after a good night rest and the sudden realization that what I really want for my 36th birthday is something bad ass that can climb steep walls and run completely over Scott's fancy little station wagon.

(1986 Toyota Land Cruiser)

Being as I live at nearly 8,000 feet above sea level in a town that was bummed to lose the "Icebox of America" trademark to International Fall, Minn., I need some sort of AWD/4WD. I need something that looks good when it's dirty but won't look out of place with Winnie the Pooh sun visors in the back windows. I need something that floats over washboard roads in the Utah desert and won't mind the potholes on the way to the trailhead yet can haul preschoolers to playdates and playgrounds.

(2006 Dodge Durango)

I yawned my way through a list of 27 crossovers and small SUVs that were essentially glorified station wagons, crossed off another 7 cars due to unreliable European engineering and turned my nose up at a dozen American behemouths before landing on these three cars:

Toyota 4runner (2004)

Nissan Pathfinder (2005)

and Toyota Landcruiser (2000)

Truth be told, I need a car that I can change the oil on every 3,000 miles and call it good. I can't really afford repairs. And, any car that still fetches $15,000 when its 25 years old and has 150,000 miles HAS to have something going for it, right?

Now the challenge is actually finding one of these cars for sale in the price range they are SUPPOSED to be listed at (according to Kelly's) within 200 miles of my house. Oh Louis . . . .