Little puzzles

We had parent-teacher conferences Monday. The teacher started the conversation off by saying, "Maybe we better talk about Arden first, otherwise we may never get to her."

She was completely serious. We had scheduled an hour to talk about both kids. And, talk of Sawyer could have easily filled the entire hour. Our dear son continues to challenge us all daily while Arden sails along with barely a mention. We have an entire "daily program" worked out for Sawyer. We are taking a parenting class to learn techniques for helping him deal with his anger and outbursts. But, I'm lucky to get a end-of-day report on Arden at all.

Arden is the typical "flexible" child. She's highly social at school and has found a gaggle of girlfriends whom she runs around with — Ellie and Allie — just to be confusing. I barely walk in the door in the morning and she's across the room to hug her girls and off they go to play.

Arden, according to her teacher, is amazing at puzzles. I thought Sawyer was our puzzle guy. But Arden isn't even 3 yet and can complete a 24-piece jigsaw puzzle by herself with the most amazing patience. I found this out only after buying her a princess puzzle she insisted on having, despite my concern that it was too difficult. As a parent, I was blown away when she completed the thing alone on her first attempt. But, to hear the teacher say the same thing just confirmed it for me. During free choice Arden usually chooses "puzzles, books and games" over dramatic play, building blocks or arts and crafts, the teacher said.

She's bright, but we knew that, and she's well beyond her age level in every area except gross motor skills — i.e. "playing catch." This is our fault. We don't have balls and we don't play catch.

She's also shy in big groups, and the teacher said that they hope to help bring her out of her shell and get her talking in circle. I asked her about this one night — talking during circle time — and she said, "It's too scary."

Every once in a blue moon she'll let her true colors fly with her teachers, and the EXTREMELY OPINIONATED side of her will accidentally pop out. Then she'll hang her head and sulk. Now, THAT's the Arden I know and love.

Sawyer — big shock — chooses dramatic play during free choice every time. You've never seen a kid spend more time in the land of Make Believe. He's the same way at home. Give him a couple chairs and pillows and about 2 minutes and he'll have concocted a whole scenario that involves cats stuck in trees and a firetruck to the rescue.

He's a natural leader, the teacher said, and often creates extravagant games of pretend at school that he ropes all the other children into playing. He'll assign roles and set the parameters for the scenario. He has the most amazing imagination and the kids are drawn to him like flies to honey, she said.

The good news is that he's spending more time in arts and crafts this year, but he still struggles with perfectionism. In the past, he's often avoided trying things he can't do perfectly, like cutting with scissors — especially as a lefty. But, this year, he's taking more risks in that area. He brings home art projects everyday, which makes me happy.

Socially he floating, having lost his rock — Sylvia — to kindergarten. He doesn't know who his new bff is. And that's hard for him.

Our major struggle — one that brings me to tears — is how Sawyer continues to have extreme anger management issues at school. Several times a week, he'll completely lose it over something that doesn't go his way or something he's been told to do when he doesn't want to. He'll throw a fit and have to be isolated in the middle of the room where he can't destroy anything or hurt anyone.

I can't help but think he's like a little Napoleon. So charismatic and compelling to everyone around him, but with a ferocious temper when things don't go his way.

According to the teacher, we are about one step away from receiving a behavioral referral and we've been told that if we don't get this under control now, Sawyer will struggle for much of his life.

He's incredibly bright, she added, and asks the most brilliant questions. He is still the light of the classroom, but he can just as easily be the cloud that darkens the whole preschool.

We are seriously considering holding him back to give him another year to mature emotionally before sending hm into the big cruel world of Kindergarten.

We feel blessed to have such amazing teachers who are willing to work with our kids so closely and to be so patient with them. Some days I feel like any other school would have written Sawyer off already.

The most amazing thing to me is that at school the kids have totally separate lives. At home, they are like twins, constantly playing and fighting. But, even in a class of just 15 kids, they don't even hang out. They have independent identities. And, that makes me happy.