Many Hats

me, originally uploaded by Reid Pierce.

One thing I love about my job is that I'm always getting to put on different hats - sometimes quite literally. One day I could have on the hard hat while touring the new school with the construction supervisor and superintendent. Another day I could be wearing my wool beanie aboard a workboat at dawn with oystermen. This week, I was squirting smoke at honeybees so we could open the hive and get a look inside. And while I almost always prefer to be on the other side of the camera, in this case - I couldn't resist getting a shot of myself dresed as a beekeeper!

Total Recall

retro rocket, originally uploaded by Reid Pierce.

Many months ago, a friend forwarded me an email from another mom about recommended ride-on toys. It would have otherwise never crossed my mind that ride-on toys are appropriate for children under the age of three. Our first riding toys were tricycles and you had to be able to pedal.

Not wanting Sawyer to be deprived in this department - I checked into the woman's recommendations. I chose this Retro Flyer rocket off her list because, well, it's so retro. I put it on Sawyer's wish list and my parents gave it to him for his first birthday.

He received another ride-on car at the same time from our neighbors. Based on the Disney PIXAR CARS movie, this one was made of cheap plastic and was covered with stickers and had about 35 buttons that made all sorts of noise, sang the ABC and numbers and spoke with CARS character voices. Guess which one Sawyer liked better?

I could hardly blame him. The retro rocket doesn't steer. The CARS toy steers and has a horn and a gear shift that makes sounds. The seat on the retro rocket is impossible to lift while the CARS a seat handle and a bar across the back that makes it fun to push. And there are only three buttons on the retro rocket, which absolutely terrify, petrify him. One sets off a woman's deep voice counting down ominously to lift off. The other makes the entire rocket vibrate and sends Sawyer tearing across the room in horror, into my arms, up my torso and over my shoulder.

When our young friend Tayloe was playing with it last week, (note, he wasn't scared) I looked over at Sawyer who was standing in the corner grunting with a frozen 'I'm trying to poop but can't' look on his face. I actually checked his diaper, but it turns out that he was just trying really hard to keep his cool while his buddy played with the really scary rocket ship.

I've figured out how to turn the sounds off on the retro rocket, but it doesn't make the toy any more attractive. I did get Sawyer to ride on it while Tayloe rode the good CAR. But that's about the extent of it.

The CARS ride-on toy is, in fact, his most favorite thing in the whole world next to maybe his Nuk. Sawyer's idea of heaven would be to ride on the car, while sucking his Nuk, with a stash of baby cheese puffs hidden under the seat.

All other toys he views in the context of his CAR. Can I play with it while riding the CAR. Can I put it inside the CAR's seat? Can I stand on the CAR like a surf board and hold the toy in my mouth.

At the secondhand store the other day, he picked out a Leap Frog ABC bus which is now his second favorite toy. He holds it in his lap in and drives the CAR. He pushes it in the CAR. He drives the CAR and pushes it along side.

Scott was excited about the Fisher Price Barn I picked up for only $4 at the second hand store (its probably been recalled along with everything else - who can keep track of what's safe anymore). That toy makes animal sounds when you open the door that are almost as terrifying as the retro rocket. Sawyer cuts a wide berth around it whenever he passes by.

I don't understand why some noisy toys scare him and others don't. The CAR noises are okay. The piano is great. The ABC bus is a blast. But the ball popper, the barn and the rocket are the work of Satan. If Sawyer were in charge of the world, those are the toys that would get recalled.

The Reality of Reality Shows

Three years ago my brother's then girlfriend threw caution (and a great job offer) to the wind and signed up for a new reality show hosted by Richard Branson of Virgin airlines/records fame. She spent something like six weeks filming the show, tromping across four continents and living in tight quarters with a bunch of whiney bitches and chumps. While the journey itself was the experience of a lifetime for her, the final cut turned out to be a bit of a dud. The show never became a Trump classic and was cancelled after the first season.

Turns out the whole show was kinda rigged and the guy who won was actually hand-selected to be part of the cast. He's the dude who owns that bean bag company that you find in malls - Love Sacs. He's since filed Chapter 11 bankruptcy. Too much time jumping out of airplanes with ol' Dick.

The second runner up, a floozy blonde chick, was given a bunch a money to help starving women in africa. I'm not sure she ever did anything with it. She runs a famous bra and panty hose company. The show helped her promote her stuff and now she's even richer than she was before.

Niki and her costar Erica were made out to be the evil model twins on the show and were axed in the second-to-last episode. They remain good friends today. Erica's real modeling career has taken off. She is now happily married and recently shot a promo for Gap maternity. Niki, an attorney, is also now happily married, to my brother, and they have two big dogs and great careers and live the posh life near the Golden Gate.

And they are lucky they didn't win - all the fame and fortune would have really smothered them. Not. I was standing with Niki once at a restaurant in Rossland, Canada when she was recognized. She said it only happened about two other times.

Well, wouldn't you know it, Fox Reality Channel is re-airing the Rebel Billionaire this week - and it's a Marathon! I think its already halfway over, but if you want to laugh (and cringe), check it out. I think it airs twice a day or something. And, don't judge my poor "boorish" and "smug" sister-in-law, as her costars call her. She was the smartest gal out there. So what if she understands the true meaning of 'cutthroat competition.' She fits right in with this family.

And who knows, now that the show is re-airing, it could become a cult classic. Watch out Niki, that could be Letterman calling!

Cracking up

animal crackers, originally uploaded by Reid Pierce.

Thank Barnum for animal crackers. Eating dinner together as a family is often more idealistic than practical, especially right now when Sawyer is clawing at my legs around 5:30 and we can't seem to scrap together a decent meal until 7:30. But, many nights, Sawyer still wants to sit with us, even after he's eaten, and since I'm not really interested in having him climb me or my chair while I try to eat, the challenge is to find some way to occupy him. That, my friends, is what animal cracker were designed for. Plop him in the booster. Give him the whole box. Let him hold it by the string. Make him figure out how to open the cardboard and wax paper. Let him mine the crackers out one by one with sticky fists. Eat in peace. But don't look over at the kid too often cause mushy grahams is not a pretty picture.

Getting Sawyer to eat lately has been a challenge. He's has been on a vegetable strike for months. And, recently, he has been rejecting food in general. He either purses his lips tight as I offer him a spoonful of something or he'll actually put something in his mouth only to spit it right back out. The whole thing gives me a complex. Some days I handle it better than others. Last night was not my most shining moment.

I had the best intentions. A four-square. Little cubes of pork chop left over from last night. Cut up green beans. A scoop of cottage cheese and a scoop of apple sauce. Very well rounded. He wanted nothing to do with the pork. I had zapped it for too long and the pieces were tough and chewy, and maybe a bit too spicy. He mowed the scoop of apple sauce and cottage cheese and ate a few green beans I'd hidden in the cottage cheese, but when he was done he was still hungry. He started whining. I quickly made him a tofu dog. He was fooled only long enough to put a piece in his mouth, but spit it out immediately. The whining got louder.

Scott started in with the peanut gallery about how he wouldn't eat tofu dogs and he doesn't blame the kid. The level of panic was rising. Sawyer's whining had reached a new pitch and all my nerves were on edge. I couldn't feed the kid fast enough. I didn't know what he'd eat. I didn't want to waste food. I decided to try some Easy Mac - don't judge me - the kind I buy for Justin in the summer that he can make all by himself in the microwave. I measured out the right amount of water in the bowl. Poured in the powdered sauce and tried to stir the clumpy lumps of cheese that were forming.

"Did you read the directions?" the peanut man asked. Of course. The first half. "You aren't supposed add the sauce until after you cook it." By now Scott had picked up Sawyer who was in full meltdown mode, barely breathing between sobs. I couldn't take it anymore. I had f-ed up the mac-and-cheese that even Justin can make. I started crying too, a bowl full of gloppy uncooked mac and powdered cheese still in my hands.

Peanut man to the rescue. Scott embraced us all in a big group hug. Gave crying Sawyer to crying mommy, chopped up some turkey sandwich meat that Sawyer ate like it was going out of style, fed him the rest of the apple sauce and several more scoops of cottage cheese and the day was saved. Thanks peanut man. We love you.

I don't know why the food thing stresses me out so much. The mission seems simple. Prevent starvation. Be healthy. Try new things. Offer variety. But it was so much easier when there was only one thing on the menu and I didn't harbor a guilty conscience about my son's singular obsession for hotdogs and cheese puffs.

Because its so much easier

saw pushes tay, originally uploaded by Reid Pierce.

After many tearful attempts to push things around from opposite ends, Sawyer and Tayloe learn the beauty of working together.

Sawyer and Tayloe

Sawyer and Tayloe, originally uploaded by Reid Pierce.

This sequence cracks me up. These boys are only two days apart and destined to be best buds. They just have a few reservations to work through first, like Sawyer's jealousy of Tayloe's beautiful hair.