Breath in... Breath out...

I'm a wreck. Tomorrow I take Sawyer to the sitters for the first time. I hyperventilate every time I think about it. While I've left him for short stints over the past three-and-a-half months, it's only been with family - Scott/my parents - or Scott's secretary Ashley in our own house or our own office. Now we're talking all day with a veritable stranger and four other kids at her house. But, the time has come. I knew it would, and I've been steeling myself for it. I figured, eventually, Sawyer would want to be more interactive in waking hours and would need a quiet environment for napping. And, while that is happening, the truth is that I just can't seem to function properly at work with my baby. Things that don't phase me at home seem 10 times worse at the office. For instance, I never think about how often he spits up until he blows chunks all over my work clothes. Never, I repeat - NEVER - allow the burp cloth to slide carelessly down even an inch while you are taking a phone call. Those cute little baby farts never smell or sound as strong as they do when emanating from your child's rear in the middle of a staff meeting. And, changing one of those runny, explosive newborn diapers on top of your desk while spewing apologies to your office mate about the smell (which she swears doesn't bother her) without getting a single drop of poop anywhere outside of the diaper can be a bit challenging. So, on deadline days at the paper - Mondays and Tuesdays - I will take Sawyer to the sitters and get my work done like a normal person. The rest of the week, I will work from home with him - in my sweats, which he can spit up all over and I won't care. That is a pretty good deal for any working mom. And, while I know Tina will be nurturing and Sawyer will enjoy having the other kids to stare at for a few days a week, I am still a total and complete wreck.